I just received a bill from UCSF today.

Picture 31

Thank God for insurance.

My mom said that our house cost $40,000 in 1977.

Yep.

Well, I have to figure out something soon for insurance. I lose coverage under my parents in a little over a year when I turn 23. Unfortunately, I can’t just have any ol’ insurance…I need someone who can authorize a referral to a specialist. I also need to find an employer/someone to marry me who has Kaiser insurance, otherwise I will probably be rejected for coverage with my pre-existing condition.

Other options…go into debt to save my life? Refuse treatment and accept the inevitability of my death to save money?

There are some less extreme options out there, but they really require a lot of $$$ which I personally don’t have, and my parents are on a fixed retirement income now. Not like we were particularly affluent to begin with either; my mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad was a schoolteacher.

Ugh…as if having stage 4 cancer wasn’t hard enough already.

Fortunately, I’m pretty asymptomatic right now. No more stupid fevers, no more medicine at the moment (YESS!!!!). I’ve been feeling well enough to get depressed over other things, like the lack of jobs that I’m finally well enough and qualified to hold.

Debbie Downer, Wah-Wah.

Happy Video Games Day, everyone!

Yeah, who knew there was an “official” Video Games Day. But heck, if there’s a National Talk Like a Pirate Day on September 12, why not?

In case you didn’t know about today or forgot to plan festivities, there’s ANOTHER video games day on September 12. Yay!

Today was also special because at 12:34 am and 56 seconds, it was 7/8/09. Get it? 12:34:56 7/8/09. Although nothing else particularly magical happened.

I’m spending a quiet Video Games Day at home. I began the day by beating Wesker again on Resident Evil 5.

[Sidenote: I think that's probably the 5th time I've shot him with rocket launchers into that volcano. What a terribly  cliche defeat (Darth Vader, T-1000, Gollum, Kazyua Kazama); I wonder if he'll come back as an angry "I used to be beautiful" attitude like that one villain in the Punisher: Warzone (don't watch that movie). He was shirtless when he fell in...and I'm sure volcanic lava isn't best for the (infected) skin.]

Anyways, as a humble, slightly more public celebration, I wanted to celebrate some of my favorite often overlooked video game characters.

  1. Mei Ling and Otacon from the Metal Gear Solid series.

    (Uh, in this one, Mei Ling has that wierd stereotypical “Asian girl” accent–not clearly Chinese or Japanese, and most likely not authentic. It bothers me a little.)

    Before the recent days of auto-save and checkpoints, we used to have to call Mei Ling and Otacon to save the game. And let’s face it, save points are probably the most important parts of the game. Without them, we might as well be playing an arcade game. Mei Ling and Otacon aren’t just any ol’ save point either–Mei Ling is most known for sharing short proverbs and bits of wisdom at each save–and in Hideo Kojima’s spirit of meta-video gaming, even suggests that perhaps one day people will be able to participate in “interactive movies”–which is essentially what video gaming is these days. Otacon functions both as a save point plus quirky quotes and support crew for Snake. He is even more involved and developed as a character in the story lines of both Metal Gear 2 and 4. He often suffers heartbreak and bad luck in his romantic life, and proves to be a father-figure to Sunny and a loyal friend to Snake.
  2. Moogles

    Kupo! Moogles are among the most consistent recurring characters in the Final Fantasy. And they serve as the most adorable save points in the series. Awwww…
  3. Mario’s Mushrooms
    Uh, yeah, these aren’t exactly characters in the traditional sense, but hey, it’s got eyes. These little status boosters come in handy for gamers like me who lack in hand-eye coordination, a handicap that proves extremely difficult while playing older platformers.
  4. Lulu, Final Fantasy X
    Final Fantasy X is all about leading lady characters. Tidus may be the main character, but the women really run the show. Yuna, the main leading lady, and Rikku, her cutesy and scantily-clad gal pal often take the limelight, but Lulu is probably the least annoying women in the game, and thus my favorite. She’s a very strong feminine figure who is poised, thankfully more mature, and maternally protective. She is a little dark, but is full of kindness and love, especially towards Yuna and her romantic interest and husband, Wakka. Though she ultimately (if I recall correctly) retires to a quiet, domestic life as a wife and mother, she remains a consistently capable, powerful character. And just look at her–she’s smokin.
  5. The Computer, Portal

    Portal wouldn’t be half as eerie without the increasingly disturbing narration by the computer. The computer isn’t completely an antagonistic force throughout the game, but it certainly isn’t quite as good a friend as the good ol’ Companion Cube.  In any case, that ending song is just too catchy!

Anyways, the list runs dry for now. More to come on that in September.

Ubisoft is opening up a new studio in Toronto.

Read about it here.

Hire me? Ah, I’d be so down to move to Canada. If I could get citizenship/marry a nice Canadian boy, all of my health insurance worries would be but a thing of the past.

Speaking of insurance worries, my birthday’s soon. One more year and I lose medical coverage under my parents, which means if I can’t find a job with benefits, I will have to pay for that $8000/28 pills for chemo or that $72,000 radiation treatment out of pocket. That certainly takes the happy out of the birthday.

Yep, that’s my cost of living.

HEY HUMANITY, PLAYSTATION 3 IS HELPING YOU OUT!

(Okay, apparently this is really old news, but hey, I’ve only owned my PS3 for a humble 5 months now.)

Folding@home is a project created by some fine folks at Stanford University in order to simulate molecular behavior, specifically  how human proteins fold. Uh…or something like that.

This vid does a better job at explaining everything:

From what I understand in layman terms, the PS3’s processor is crazy fast, much faster than the average PC, and can basically be considered a supercomputer [edit: when several work together] (I love you, Sony). This helps speed up the folding simulation so researchers can sooner and faster understand how those evil molecules that trigger diseases like Parkinson’s, cystic fibrosis and cancer.

Owners of supercomputers,or more commonly, of PlayStation 3s/regular computers can help out by networking their hardware to the Folding@home folks.

Here’s some info on Folding@home and how to hook up your PS3 to join the cause:

http://folding.stanford.edu/English/FAQ-PS3

Folding@home is accessible through the “Life with PlayStation” application under the network icon on the main screen. Once the software is installed and updated (this took me about 10 minutes to download), you can watch Folding@home go to work.

I just started my account today.

If you go hit the triangle button while on the Folding@home channel, select “Current Channel”, then scroll down to “Identity”. Under this option, you can create a username and join a team.

If you’d like to join my team (TEAMLUM) enter this team number: 167872.

THANK YOU, SONY for making such an unnecessarily powerful, beautiful piece of machine. I’ve always been a bit of a Sony loyalist, so Sony’s unfortunate lackluster sales in the past few years has been disheartening.

Microsoft played it smart by purchasing and developing great game titles exclusive to the Xbox 360, especially multiplayer/online titles like Gears of War and Halo 3. Xbox marketed heavily towards the main gamer demographic: male gamers in between 18-32. Microsoft’s investment in great games with its gamers in mind came at the cost of cutting corners on its hardware. The Xbox 360 console has been plagued by the red ring of death and even more so by its slow tech support, customer service and repairs.

Nintendo invested in a new sort of motion interactivity with the Wii, which they marketed to non-traditional gamer demographics: the young family and women. However, Nintendo really sacrificed in the graphics/hardware department as well, and didn’t bother developing either HD DVD or Blu-Ray technology. Nevertheless, Nintendo put out a truly innovative package that has changed the face and feel of modern gaming.

Sony, on the other hand, had very big plans … perhaps too grand. Sony really put out an excellent piece of hardware, spearheading the Blu-Ray revolution and creating a console that allows room for expansion, improvement, and well…stuff like Folding@home. However, Sony’s vision is a little beyond the average consumer’s needs–as was its price.

Nevertheless, Sony has proven itself a true technological visionary through its use of Folding@home.

To top off all of its claimed social and scientific contributions, Folding@home just looks fantastic. There’s a really cool graphic that shows all the blips where people are running Folding@home all over the world. The east coast is pretty hot right now, along with some pockets of insomniacs like myself on the west coast. Much of Japan and Seoul, South Korea are lit up as well. Possibly one (??) in North Korea? What’s interesting about this whole display is that it is really telling of global affluence as well..huh, maybe that could be the next PS3 project.

In any case, I’m a pretty proud owner of my PS3 right now.

[Thanks, Stanley]

I’m not sure what PS3/SCEA means by this, but hey, I’m down with the cause, and I’m down with SCEA.

Picture 28

This showed up in a google search for PS3. Sadly, there was no explainer when I clicked on the link.

I always complain that there’s nothing special about Sacramento as a city.
The nightlife is too polite. The tasty restaurants are sparse. The public art stale and often outdated. Our sports teams embarrassing. The main employer in the city is the state, and it isn’t hiring. The terrain is flat and largely featureless. Our winters too cold and our summers too hot.

But hey, Hollywood once again reminds us that no matter the climate, LOVE can happen.

Here’s Katherine Heigl (Grey’s Anatomy, Knocked Up) and Gerard Butler (300) in a new RomCom, “The Ugly Truth,” which is SET IN SACRAMENTO!

If you caught the first three frames in the trailer, you can see the Tower Bridge, the Delta King, and a bit of Sacramento’s humble skyline.

I DO hope that is a Sacramento River Cats game.

I wonder if she’ll go on a date in Old Sac.

Go Sacramento.

I never usually pay attention to those ads right above my inbox in gmail. They’re ads, afterall.

But recently, as my emails are getting more desperate in search of a job, those ads have been starting to appeal to my desperation.

So I decided to click on this one:

Picture 20How nice, job openings. Nice pay. No scam. Wow, too good to be true. And it says CBS? CBS is a reputable network, sure why not.

Click.

Hey, this looks like a news site. A television news site. Must be owned by CBS?

Picture 19Appears legitimate. It even has local Sacramento weather posted!

Keyword: appears.

But wait. KMLT3? That’s not the name of my local channel 3 station…and I’m pretty sure CBS doesn’t own channel 3 here. It owns 13, I believe.

So I clicked on “Home” to see what this site really was.

This pops up:

Picture 24Huh?!

This is my local news station site:

Picture 22KMLT3 does not exist, at least as a news source. I Googled it. Thanks, Google.

So what is up with this fake news site? It wasn’t expressly labeled “ADVERTISEMENT” as most fake “news sources” that might appear in newsprint are required to have.

A few months ago, the Daily Bruin reluctantly (and quite bitterly) ran a front page wrap ad  for Haagen-Dazs that mimicked the Daily Bruin front page, but substituted an article-like ad about the plight of the honey bee. Clearly, very important front page news.

Picture 23The editorial board at the Daily Bruin wrote the following in the same day’s paper:

Many of us volunteered to forfeit our pay in order to ensure that the ad would not run, but because some of our staff members could not afford to use their paychecks to make a statement, we have been forced to go along quietly.

The reality of our financial situation is grim, and the fact of the matter is that we would have been forced to cut thousands of dollars from an ever-tightening budget if we had not run this advertisement.

We were forced to make a decision we find distasteful at best – and dishonest and unethical at worst – because of the ever-present and unrelenting reality of the economy and the downturn of the journalism industry.

Much of our staff, the members of this board especially, are invested in the Daily Bruin and the practice of journalism on a personal level, and nothing pains us more than to see the cover and name of our beloved publication sullied for the sake of survival.

We weighed every possible alternative and appealed to every relevent authority for a solution, but our efforts were ultimately fruitless.

Our hope is that our readers will not dismiss us as the sell-outs we feel like.

The staff was particularly upset that not only was our front page content masked by an ad, the ad incorporated deceptively similar components of the normal Daily Bruin front page content, such as our sidebar with story promos. The ad content could easily be misleading to our readers and make it appear as if we are strong advocates for honeybees or some sort of apiculture aficionados. We’re…not.

In any case, this was an unfortunate sacrifice of our journalistic integrity for some necessary ad revenue.

However, we made as best an effort to differentiate the ad content from the actual content by printing “PAID ADVERTISEMENT” along the border. Though from afar,  it’s not so clearly an advertisement…

Back to the KMLT3 ad…which wasn’t expressly labeled an ad…and uses the corporate name of CBS in its link, though it has nothing whatsoever to do with CBS…

What is up with that?

I suppose that one could argue that the link only implies some relationship to CBS the station/company, but really represents whatever cbs11.com is, some shoddy advertisement company that tricks people into clicking on it.

On top of that, it appears to be a legitimate news source, formatted and presented like a real news story. Lies.

It seems illegal, or unethical at best. My knowledge of media law in advertisement is thin, but this misleading advertisement seems very…shady, for lack of a better word at 5:04am.

Alas, ads are a necessary evil in the new media world. I just wish there was a bit more integrity in the mix.

Dear UCLA,

I feel like once upon a time, you promised me great things. And even without those promises, I’ve loved you dearly, and treasured every second with you.

But I now realize that, very unfortunately, you didn’t tell me how hard it would be in the world out there. The cold, narrow, and unfriendly job market of 2009. The market that tells me that it has no place for me, even with this lovely piece of paper that says that your faculty has conferred upon me a great degree.

UCLA, you should have told it to me straight: that employers don’t care what you majored in, or what grades you got, but they care about the unpaid slave labor internships and job experience in lieu of entry level jobs.

If you told me that, I would have worried less about my Milton midterm, my Shakespeare paper, and that stupid presentation poster on Monterey Bay, and tried to get more soulsucking internships that would be more rewarding in the future. And perhaps I would have considered a more tangibly useful major. Sure, English majors can write, but I have to somehow prove and propose that I can do more than just write about dusty literature.

Also, clearly, working for the Daily Bruin wasn’t enough. UCLA, you weren’t enough.

Not even for a state job.

I guess we say goodbye on that sad and bitter note.

Love,

Jessica

P.S. Congratulations, class of 2009.

11-year-old Moshe Kai Cavalin recently made headlines as one of the region’s youngest college graduates.

This kid is pretty accomplished. I assume he received an Associate’s degree in Astrophysics from East Los Angeles College, an area community college. And he’s well-rounded! He excels in martial arts and idolizes Bruce Lee (like most of us Asian and non-Asian kids).

But accomplishments and endearing qualities aside, the darn kid had to say something at the last minute that really killed it for me.

“I feel it’s a waste of time playing video games because it’s not helping humanity in any way,” says Moshe, who wants to use his knowledge to change the world.

Oh, COME ON! This kid sounds like my mother. But even she enjoys playing Guitar Hero.

Alright, kid, you’re smart, well-balanced, and horribly cute. Most college-grads are/consider themselves to be (maybe not the cute part). But really? Generalizing an entire industry and culture of video gaming, and then discounting it?

Ho ho, dare you, eh?  Okay, okay, this probably makes me an even bigger loser-geek for making such a huge deal over the misinformed comment of an 11-year-old. But I don’t care. No geek would stand such an insinuation from a nerd, even if he’s only 11 years old, or your mom.

IGN wrote a little response that summed up most of my thoughts pretty well: http://games.ign.com/articles/992/992542p1.html

I, as well as the article, admit that the laudability of video gaming is certainly not comparable to say, finding the cure for cancer.

Perhaps I’m just simple-minded and because I am equally misinformed and admittedly ignorant of the possibilities of astrophysics, I can’t see how pointless and stupid my fascination of video games is and that I’ve wasted my time looking at words in old British books instead of testing the limits of science and math. Maybe video games can’t “help humanity” in the same way that idealistic 11-year-old (I’m mean, but what 11-year-old isn’t) astrophysicists might one day be able to.

However, I come from the new school of thought that declares that video games, play an important, though not central, role in humanity, whether as an industry, as entertainment, or as art. I think this concept is pretty well-accepted among gamers (we grumble when told we’re wasting our time) and the gaming generation (typically anyone who is old enough to have grown up with games; usually those 30-something, heck, maybe 40 and younger. We’re aging every day!).  However, those who were “adults” during the time some 20 or so years ago when video games were still considered a kid’s toy, and those who lack interest (who were deprived of the enjoyments) in video games, often assume that gaming is largely a worthless pursuit.

Ouch.

Granted, I think many of us can also attest to how video games DO NOT help humanity. I admit that I was once a video game addict, and I am guilty of shutting my family out of my life when they needed me the most; when my sister discovered she had cancer, my inability to deal with family’s and my own emotions resulted in my foolish refuge in Final Fantasy, of all things. My relationships were strained. I gained a few extra pounds (that I could afford) in my vegetative, snack-friendly state in front of the television.

But my gaming addiction (and some wise guidance from my mom) taught me a few valuable life lessons. Cheesy, yes, but this was a pivotal moment in my life. Video games served as a bit of an object lesson for me when I was about 13; most of us live our childhood and early adolescence in a bit of a self-centered bubble, the center of a world, or in a world separate and disassociated from those around us. For me, that world was embodied by video games. It was much easier for me to withdraw into a place where conflict was much more clear-cut, far less emotional, and death could be reversed with the administration of an inexpensive, 500 gil Phoenix Down, or the “Continue” option. The appeal of existing in such a world had its appeal, even my mom could see this. But what my mom needed to coach me to realize was that real, responsible, mature people can’t live in a self-centered world, or a silly fantasy world, no matter how awesome it is. Voila, my coming-of-age.

To obsess, or build my life around video games would be foolish, but at the same time, as equally foolish as it seems, I can’t deny that video games play a considerable role in my life.

Along the same strain of thought, to assume that video games only serve up societal detriment or has no redeeming value for humanity as a whole would be severely fallacious.

The video game industry functions as a sort of hybrid of the film industry (marketing and creative production) and the tech industry (marketing and development). Even the most utilitarian informed mind cannot deny the role of the video game industry as a employing, profitable industry that has broken so much ground in graphic design, interactive entertainment, and even the very medium through which we watch our movies: Blu-Ray or HD. Sure, it’s not the greatest advancement mankind has ever made, but it’s certainly noteworthy.

Entertainment might be one of those more frivolous pursuits that humanity takes on. It is, however, a sign of societal and cultural affluence if we can afford to invest so much in these diversions. And as trivial as it seems, entertainment plays an important role in the psychological well-being of humanity–or at least for me. Heck, if everyone set aside time to enjoy themselves, relax, and bask in the glory of small video game victories, we’d probably have fewer stress-related mental and physical health problems, if only by a few cases; I’m in no way advocating that video games will solve all of our problems. Excess video gaming– heck, excess anything–can be even more detrimental, as I know very well. But reasonably enjoyed, video games are active, interactive, and REALLY FUN! Is fun useless to society? If so, :(

Some might not consider video games pure art, as per last month’s PCGamer article, but in any case, great author Oscar Wilde points out that “All art is quite useless” (Heh, this includes martial ARTS). Yet we make a special place for it in our societies and in our minds. Broadly defined, art is a source of expression both for the artist and the observer, subject to academic and social interpretation, and certainly weilds the power to expose, mock, and question society, authority, and well, humanity. Art and video games can cause us to examine ourselves, to question the notion of an impersonal and terrifying face of war in Metal Gear Solid 4, to be forewarned of the pitfalls of engineered self-improvement in Bioshock, or even to just have fun making our own art, landscapes, and physics-based gameplay in Little Big Planet. Games make us think, strategize, dream, imagine, and process the relationship between video games and society.

When you’re my age, maybe you’ll understand.

I had posted this back in March on my Facebook notes.  Here’s a repost:

Probably a good month, month-and-a-half ago, a handful of people asked what my thoughts on Gran Torino are. By a handful of people, I really mean (remember) John and Jon…

Anyways, I finally got around to watching it today.

A lot of my Asian friends had commented on how much of the film was Clint Eastwood muttering racial slurs under his breath. True. (I was far more impressed by his “old man” grumblings and sighs of annoyance. “GrrMmmmmmMMMMhhhh, no more, no more!…-sniff- Oh okay, bring it in, bring it in…”) But I think the source of much upset regarding these racial slurs is really from the audience reaction. How the audience reacts to Eastwood’s character’s dialogue and sometimes monologues affected how I felt, at least, not towards the film, but towards the jerks sitting behind me.

Now…these guys behind me were big boys. Big in every way. Hefty men, rotund. They’d put their feet up, and shake the entire row of chairs in ways I’ve never felt before (I think the guy kept grinding one of his shoes against the other as he’d drop one foot from the top of the chair to the ground from time to time). Gargantuan noises. Eating. Talking. Unnecessary comments. These guys were nightmares to sit in front of. I don’t recall ever having such rude, unpleasant theater companions before.

Anyways, these guys seemed to be there more for the actual racial banter and jokes, rather than to watch an enlightening film about race, class, and age relations. [SPOILER ALERT] At the serenely violent end, the most vocal of the herd shouted out “I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT KIND OF ENDING!” Surely he was expecting something far more along the lines of Dirty Harry or The Good The Bad and The Ugly. Clint Eastwood really disappointed this guy.

But during the film, each time Eastwood’s character, Walt Kowalski, would spit out some sort of racial comment, these guys would be busting their sides with laughter. Sure, many of these moments were meant to be funny…but not really so much in the beginning…

I thought the film, however, was a fair shot at a socially conscious film. It had the feel of Boyz n the Hood plus a little western/war nostalgia that Eastwood’s presence alone brings to the screen. It’s a warm film about aging, death, and discovering the meaning of life. Certainly a socially significant film, not only because it examines cultural differences and socioeconomic struggles, but because it approaches issues that are essentially human.

When Kowalski uses the racial slurs, he does so not entirely out of hate. Or at all out of hate, even in the beginning. He echoes language that he grew up with, perhaps hyperbolically, but he uses it out of his ignorance towards his neighbors, or as a tool of intimidation before he has to resort to whipping out his pistol. Yet he subtly shifts his tone, though his language remains unchanged, to use slurs as terms of endearment, light teasing to which his neighbors take little offense. No one actually corrects Kowalski’s speech to tell him that it is deeply offensive, so his character, in character, makes no adjustments.

Granted, those hard, harsh words are hurtful to many. But taken in context, the point is a bit…null.

But the sad thing is that the subtle tone shift, the endearment and appreciation for the Hmong culture, and Kowalski’s new understanding of life itself, is likely lost on many of the…less perceptive audience members like my corpulent pals behind me.


Other thoughts:

For the most part, the film has a sort of Italian neorealism essence about it. Non-professional actors, representing the lower-class lifestyle (think Slumdog Millionaire as a very recognizable modern example). However, it (like Slumdog) is a bit too tidy in the end to be neorealism. I think that’s more of a trend among American movies, though, rather than a specific fault of the film. Americans, especially now, really need that picker-upper. Europeans and Asians really seem to not mind that depressing, yet real-life ending. There’s always a ray of hope though…ambiguously… but in American films, we have a hard, tangible, but plastic-y happier-than-expected ending. And darn, does it feel good.

It was nice to see some Asian American representation in there. Sure, the Hmong actors weren’t fantastic, but keep in mind, they’re not professionally trained. At least they’re really Hmong, not *ahem* Chinese substituting as usual *coughmemoirsofageishacough*. It certainly worked to address some of the social difficulties Hmong communities face, and lower income Asians as well: gangs, poverty, familial pressures, etc. I’m sure it barely brushed the surface of many other problems, but save it for another film.

What I thought was interesting, though, was that you could probably have substituted the ethnicity of Kowalski’s neighbors for any other minority family and it would have worked possibly quite as beautifully. But to choose to feature the Hmong people was a very creative and unique decision. I said that flatly but I mean it. The film managed to highlight some specific difficulties Hmong communities face, as well as general difficulties most low-income minority communities face. Props.

All in all, I liked it. It was a fine addition to Clint Eastwood’s work as actor and director. I respect the man for what he has done and what he is trying to do.