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We all know what they say about first impressions. They leave…an impression.
Yadda yadda, cliche cliche, lead with your best foot forward, etc etc.
But in this new social space of Internetworking, social rules shouldn’t go out the door.
So here’s some good old fashioned advice from my warmest intentions to men out there, who are probably already confused about face-to-face social conduct, and are now trying their luck in cyberspace.
How not to do it:
Here’s an exact quote from a craigslist posting. No offense to poster. Listed under Strictly platonic.
What should I say about myself. I’m a 23 year asian/white mix male college student. 6ft tall, wears glasses pretty much all the time.
Hold on, hold on. Never, ever, begin a personal with an obvious question that doesn’t even end with a question mark. [Bad grammar -3 points]
Okay, so you begin with the physical description, way to go; like in a real social environment, this is how others would immediately see you. [Understanding of social dynamic +.5]
I don’t smoke or do drugs, very rarely drink.
[How pleasant, but some might think boring.+/-0]
I’m shy but trying to being more outgoing. I’ve been told I’m nice though I should talk more.
Shy, okay, a lot of us are. A lot of us try to be more outgoing. But am I trying to being? Bad grammar. -1. I like a literate man, as do most women. Be more careful about how you represent yourself! Also, you let other people determine your worth? Your qualities? “Nice?” How generic! A lot of people are “nice”. How is this interesting? Relevant? [Bad grammar -1, Generic -2, Irrelevant -1]
Not a big fan of sports, but I practice marital arts 2-3 times a week. I like art and playing guitar as well.
As a sports fan, I’m not impressed. But personal bias aside, sounds good, list those interests. Martial arts, cool. But mentioning art and guitar…how generic, again. And wait…do you have a job? Direction in life? Women like men with both qualities, and at least the latter….just being pragmatic here. [Boring -2, Generic -2, No money -0.5, No goals -2]
I like anime and manga(I’m not a hardcore otaku, but I try to learn about the more recent anime coming out) and go anime conventions here in Southern CA.
HOLD UP. It’s fine that you like anime and manga and all, but NEVER ADMIT THIS! Not on the first impression. NEVER!!!! Regardless of how you spin this, the connotation of admitting interest in such things is very unattractive. VERY. I immediately think: cos-play, sweaty hands, overweight, socially awkward. I can’t help it! The stereotype is rarely true, but that image alone evokes such distaste that the average female would be … repulsed. You must first dispel this stereotype by proving otherwise before admitting such interests. Also, “otaku”? You nerd. Only otaku themselves use that term to glorify themselves!! True otaku find themselves endlessly flattered to be referred to by a Japanese word. And it sounds so much cooler than “gaijin” or “amerikajin”. And ANIME CONVENTION!?!?!? Alright, you are from so-cal. There are a lot down here. But still…. [Admits Affinity for Anime -5]
I also like Japanese music (j-rock/ visual kei) but I also like American and British music as well. I like learning about different cultures, like traditions, languages and food.
No harm, no harm. A tad ethno-centric though, Mr. International lover. [Possibly Ethnocentric - 0.5]
I’m looking for someone I can hang out with. I have a couple of female friends, but most of the time, they’re either too busy to hang out with me or flake on me at the last minute. Even my male friends are usually too busy with work or visiting other friends, so I’m usually stuck at home wondering if anyone is going to be free that weekend
Sounds like you need new friends. Guess there’s no better place than Craigslist to find them. But by admitting this, you bring up this question—why do your friends flake on you? There’s got to be more to it than the mere fact that your friends are busy and…lame. And if you’re always the 3rd wheel, the 5th string, the one they always forget to call, man. You’ve succeeded in making me feel pretty bad for you, but I still wouldn’t want to be your friend. Don’t admit that!!!!! Let your merits, rather than your pity party, speak for you. [Admits Self-Pity -4]
So I pretty much want someone who I can actually hang out with and do fun stuff with. Someone I can ask if they want to see a new movie and they’ll gladly say yes or even better, they invite me to go with them to do something interesting, like hang out at a beach or mall or anything else just to get out of the house. Maybe we can even hang out together an anime convention or local J-rock concert.
Ah in this populous great city of angels, how lonely we can still be. But uh…there’s more to do in LA than see movies. Great idea, how non-generic! You probably do need to get out more……..so anime conventions or local j-rock concerts? (I didn’t know that J-rock concerts are local). How often are anime conventions? 3 times a year down here? So maybe the total of J-rock concerts and anime conventions = 5 times a year? Are those the only times you get out? [Generic -2, Sheltered -1]
It would be nice if we could have some common interest as well (anime, music, culture, etc.) so we can have some stuff to talk about. I want to meet a girl who’s honest, sweet, kind, doesn’t have a lot of emotional baggage, is capable of listening as well as carrying on a conversation, can show me new things and is willing to try something new as well, and above all, can be a fun person to be around
Is that too much to ask?
If only it wasn’t so generic. Most guys want that (even the anime part). But hun, to meet interesting people, you have to be interesting yourself. When you run out of things to talk about (you both finished watching the last episode of Tenisu no Ojisama, now what), and get tired of talking about music (can’t be that much local J-rock out there), stop bemoaning the woes of a decaying culture, and run out of etcs., what are you to do? [Generic -2]
I’m open to anyone though I’d like to meet some Asian females, since I really never had a lot of Asian friends growing up. I live in the San Fernando Valley though I hang out in Downtown LA and the San Gabriel area sometimes.
“Females”? I hate when people refer to women as females. Or men as “males”. We aren’t some sort of specimen or animal species to be objectified. “Lo! Look beyond that yonder bush! See that she-human, running about! A female! How beautiful!” [Bad Diction -2, Possible Misogynist -2]
I’ll be kind and not pick on your generic choice of Asian women. [Generic -1]
I apologize if this is a bit too harsh. If you need help sounding less boring, I will proofread your personal ads for a mere $20 apiece. And if you were the unfortunate lad who posted this craigslist ad, I will mail you a beer and a printout of my advice for free.
